Ironically, growing up, Matilda was always one of my favorite movies, and I used to watch it over and over again. I often think back to the movie whenever I hear that song, you know, “Little Bitty Pretty One,” the one where she’s finally controlling her magic powers and she’s dancing around? Actually, thinking about it again today, that’s exactly how I feel right now at the end of Pisces season. Dancing around in my room, controlling my magical powers and powerful emotions, feeling more balanced and in sync than ever, a huge smile on my face.

When I was little everyone always said I looked like Matilda. Secretly, inside, I always felt like Matilda, because of her circumstances.

But the end of Matilda always made me cry, because more than ever I wanted a Miss Honey like she had. I wanted someone to play with me and encourage my creative gifts the way she did with Matilda in that one scene. It’s engrained in my memory, that scene of them rolling around on the floor and playing together, because that’s what I was missing. I even think I would rewind it and play it over and over again. That emotional and playful connection with an authority figure was something I so desperately craved. And I even manifested it for a while in one of my dad’s girlfriends through middle school.

I was thinking about Miss Honey again today, and her archetype, realizing for all these years I’ve really been trying to become her. I’ve been in the public schools laughing and playing around with the students, not wanting to have control over them in a classroom because I see them all as a bunch of little me’s. I’ve been in the daycare centers laughing and playing music with the toddlers and learning from them and their emotions. That kindness and compassion I’ve always resonated with, that authentic, playful nature of a child that Miss Honey holds, and even that acceptance and big heart that she has for Matilda, this gifted child, who she nurtures and accepts whole-heartedly no matter how it may affect her life.

I look at the connection between Matilda and Miss Honey and see the connection between my inner child and adult self.

They are integrating. They are one in the same. Everyone around me thinks I’m 21 years old here in Arizona, and I laugh at them. They think I’m offended, but I’m truly not. The innocence, playfulness, creativity, and big-hearted compassion is what I aim for now, and what I aim for always. And people can judge me all they want.

But I’m becoming who I’ve always wanted to have in my life, or you know, you could take that as, who I’ve always wanted to be.

Slowly but surely, I’m becoming my own Miss Honey. Thank heaven for that :)