Fear, where did you go?

Last night was the first time in a very long time I intentionally turned my lamp off before I went to sleep.

It was after a deep meditation I had where Archangel Metatron was giving me a lecture on the heart space and what I was learning there.

I’ve left the light on for many many years, all night long as I sleep, because I’ve always been afraid of the dark. I’ve always been afraid of seeing things in the night that I don’t want to see.

But something shifted in me yesterday, and I couldn’t feel that fear anymore. I went looking for the terror, and it wasn’t there.

And then I looked for other things I was in fear of, and again, found nothing.

Curious about this new feeling of not having any fear, I investigated deeper. Thought about things I maybe should be in fear about, like maybe moving, or housing, or other people and their reactions to me, or my next career, or not ever finding love, and I came to find again that the fear was nowhere to be found.

Astounded, I wondered why this was. And as I thought about it, the phrase “unwavering faith” kept coming to mind.

“Well okay,” I thought, “I could have unwavering faith that only good things are ever going to happen to me. That’s a belief system I could build.”

But then I thought about all of the bad things that could happen that could make that belief system invalid. So I thought again,

“Well, if bad things did happen, they would only be on the way to the really good things that were happening, so wouldn’t it actually still be valid?” And then it all made sense to me.

So many what ifs came to mind, and I had an answer for every single one. What if your car breaks down? You get it fixed. What if your friend talks badly about you behind your back? You do nothing, because it’s behind your back and they don’t want to bring it to your attention for a reason. What if a close friend rejects you? I have a lot of other close friends I feel secure with. What if someone you cherish dies? I talk to them in the afterlife because I’m a medium. What if YOU die? Then it’s the end of my life celebration and I’m an angel!! Yay!!!

It was clear after asking so many questions that it wasn’t really a sense of not having any fear, it was that for once, I felt secure in myself and my ability to handle the situations in my life with ease with the skills and experience I’ve acquired.

Security in myself has been the thing that I’ve been searching for, maybe since I was a baby. So is it possible that this is what my Saturn return theme really is? My inner security relating to my emotions and how I view the world? Security relating to my heart space, and how I relate to others within that heart space? Self-love and nurturing so I can nurture another? I feel so much more expanded, as if I could go anywhere in the world and be okay. That I could go anywhere in the world and take care of me, and take care of another.

I think back to that message in September from my galactic guide, staring up at the stars behind that house up in New River. I got the message that I was about to face my deepest fears, and boy, was he completely right.

Fear is natural, I’m sure I’ll feel it again, but maybe this is me stepping into a version of myself where I only feel it when it’s needed, and it’s not attached to my identity every day as a person with existential dread of walking this planet earth because of all the scary things that happen here.

I’m pumped to go get everything I’ve ever desired in my life, and also, to have fun and create the wildest life experience ever.

Because uhh…what’s stopping me now?

Certainly not fear.