can I let my quiet be witnessed?

Just like a purple flower sways in the wind as you walk past it on a hiking trail admiring its beauty?

That is…how long can I let it be witnessed before I feel the need to explain myself to so many of those out there who need the silence to be filled with something to feel comfortable in a social situation?

It’s more a question for myself than for anybody else. Everyone else is just living their life. I’m the one working to be more authentic.

Am I capable of it? Of sitting comfortably in my silence and watching somebody work to fill the space with some kind of social behavior or story, in which I admire their beauty and honesty and the way they’re choosing to show up in relation to me, and then, when the attention gets placed on me and my reaction at some point- what then? What do I do? Smile sweetly? Give them an affirming squeeze on the shoulder? Nod and mumble “mmhmm” as I work quietly on my own awakening and mind my own business? Because there is surely nothing I could say that could acknowledge who that person is with just words. Words are so limiting. Hmmm. My gears are turning.

Or perhaps I’m meant to engage. So, do they want me to say the thing that validates them the most? Or something that makes them feel nurtured and adored? Do I keep my response on the surface? Is it worth going deeper? Is there something they’ll learn there if we do? Is there something I’ll learn? Is the point only the mirror? The most intriguing question… is it safe? For either of us?

Or do I let myself just be witnessed, curious & quiet in the corner, staring at the trees? Do I let others ask what’s actually going on in this complex and multidimensional human, thus, then getting their own gears turning about the aspect of quietness and what value it could bring? We learn so much from the flashy and the overbearing…maybe I do not let the nature of my gentle and meekness flourish as it should in this society.

I have been hiding it the way one hides their true feelings for another— in fear of being loved.

For I am not lonely in my quiet, I am more connected than ever.

I am just learning to communicate it all to my physical self.