hope
“What's my definition of succеss?
Listening to what your heart says
Standing up for what you know is
Right, while everybody else is
Tucking their tail between their legs
What's my definition of success?
Creating something no one else did
Being brave enough to dream big
Grinding when you're told to just quit
Giving more when you got nothing left
It's a person that'll take a chance on
Something they were told could never happen
It's a person that can see the bright side
Through the dark times when there ain't one
It's when someone who ain't never had nothin'
Ain't afraid to walk away from
More profit 'cause they'd rather do somethin'
That they really love and take the pay cut
It's a person that would never waver
Or change who they are
Just to try and gain some credibility
So they could feel accepted by a stranger
It's a person that can take the failures in their life and turn them into motivation
It's believing in yourself when no one else does, it's amazin'
What a little bit of faith can do if you don't even believe in you
Why would you think or expect anybody else that's around you to?
I done did things that I regret, I done said things I can't take back
Was a lost soul at a crossroad who had no hope, but I changed that
I spent years of my life holdin' on to things I never should've kept, full of hatred
Years of my life carryin' a lot of baggage that I should've walked away from
Years of my life wishin' I was someone different, lookin' for some validation
Years of my life tryna fill the void, pretending…” - Hope, NF
Listened to this song this morning with chills on my drive to work. Emotion is a funny thing. It’s so personal and unique to all of us. No doubt there is someone out there who has been through similar things I have, processed them either the same or differently. I resonate with how this guy expressed his.
The extremes being yelled in this song move me, because it’s how my emotions fluctuate inside of me with my disorganized attachment and sensitivities. The accelerated rate at which energy moves in my body for me to manifest my wildest dreams as an alchemical being simultaneously has the incredible power to destroy me if I let it. I’ve known it for a while.
The water flows out of my face and it shows me the reflection of where I’ve come from. I feel myself uncomfortable and writhing in the middle of my evolutions. Wanting to cling to what I’ve known. Taking in bits and pieces of where I could go if I really let myself.
It’s a big time of change for America. It’s a big time of change for us in our personal lives. It’s all connected, don’t you see?
When everything on the outside is being shaken and seems so unstable, where are you forced to look? Who or where do you run to for security? For many of you it’s probably a person, or a place you’ve known all your life.
And well, I’ve never had safety related to either of those, so I run to the stars. I run to me, heavily connected to those bright shiny living entities in the sky, the only person who has been able to keep me alive through all of the things I have faced. It is lonely and excruciating, but that has been my journey of fear and healing. Yours is likely much different. (or maybe the same, depending on who you are.)
It’s the ones who are actively feeling the fear first that are going to know how to move the intensity. I am scared to think about all of the ones who have been shoving and numbing it, and what may happen when that fear awakens in them in the midst of a disaster they feel they can’t control.
They are the ones who scare me. On the outside they are seemingly put together, but on the inside, they are an emotional outburst away from killing their families or causing trauma or damage to a person’s timeline because they refuse to manage the intensity of emotion through transmutation, self-actualization and awareness.
How do you know you’re one of these people? You’re scared of emotion, to put it simply. You become such a shell that the intense emotion takes over your body and you do things that “aren’t you.” And what I’ve learned in this lifetime is the more you’re scared of something, the more that it grows. It grows and grows until it’s something that becomes big enough to alter your life in a huge way.
And you’ll explain it away. You’ll say, “well why me! All the bad things happen to only me! It’s because I’m awful!” Damn straight, you are, we all are in our own ways, and you’re letting that awfulness win with your fucking belief systems.
This isn’t a game of the light wins or the dark wins.
This isn’t a game of republican versus democrat.
And if you’re still on that wavelength, then good luck to you. I wish you the best.
I’ll be over here finding the humanity and the balance of light and dark frequencies within us all, serving, loving, accepting, making art, and looking for solutions to help as many souls as I can during this time. It starts with me. It starts with my community I’m in.
I just don’t have time for the pettiness anymore, or the arguments. I just really don’t have time, with all of the darkness that exists on this planet. Our time here is so limited. Is that what you want to spend your time on? Where your energy is spent is what is creating your life.
And the loneliness and individuation and feeling misunderstood in myself and the truth of my soul is excruciating to me at times to feel, but do you wanna know what is way more painful and terrifying?
Losing your identity and soul to a system trying to train your mental awareness to believe what they would have you believe to keep you as a cog in a fucked up machine fueled to tire you out, dwindle your resources, and kill you off so that narcissists and billionaires can be greedy horny trauma inducing fear mongerors who live off luxury, power, and pleasure.
Yeah. That’s way more scary.
I’ll be over here listening to my intuition and speaking my truth. I’ll be over here, apart of my own kind of rebellion, seeing it all from a very unique point of view.
(You'll never evolve) I know I can change
(We are not enough) We are not the same
(You don't have the heart) You don't have the strength
(You don't have the will) You don't have the faith
(You'll never be loved, you'll never be safe)
(Might as well give up) Not running away
(You don't have the guts) You're the one afraid
(I'm the one in charge)
