moving in the shadows

Trying not to be seen while I process the underbelly of life. People catch glimpses of me here and there — they see glitter on my face as I come up for air and I am happy to show it to them before I go back under.

And all I can do is be raw about feeling. All I can be is in the emotion of it all. As I write this a lamp flickers, and perhaps if it spoke it would tell me that I don’t have to always be on or off.

I’m still here, and that’s enough. For how much longer I’m not sure. I do often feel like there is something off about me, but I have no way of knowing if it’s only me, or if everyone is like that while they’re acting like they’re on… they just don’t always show it.

I do not want to be known for my strength, or my vulnerabilities. I do not care for people’s opinions of me or their perceptions.

I just want to be witnessed as I exist, as whatever I am in this moment. Without any judgments or stories of it all.

I want to dance and I want someone to point at me and say, “I see you.”

I cannot be what anybody wants me to be. I can barely be what I want myself to be before it ends up changing.

It makes me not want to try… to drift in this moment… to love while I can.

Is that how it works? Because I see so much evil in this world, and so much destruction.

Am I just supposed to love the things in front of me while I can?

and, well,

Can I?