the illusion of being healed

Telling yourself stories about all the things you’ve seemingly mended, only to come face-to-face with the harsh realities that these are things that are just a part of your energy body and you oscillate around them over time. It’s not about “healing them so they go away,” no, that’s not what we came here to do. We live with them, and expand. We notice these parts, and they get smaller as we grow awareness of the vast shiny soul that we are.

I learn this time and time again, much of my life being committed to soul-growth and expansion because of my pain. It is always when I am trying to convince myself that I am healing that I run into a brick wall and sob about everything that isn’t.

What if it all just is?

And those who are trying to convince the world that somehow you are working to raise your frequency to release all of it out of your body to be the biggest and brightest…maybe they are the ones you have to watch out for. Coming off as the sun but then eating your light when you get too close.

Maybe a part of you should love the darkness.

Maybe a part of you should realize that your human body is capable of feeling numerous different frequencies in the same experience of life, and that doesn’t make any of them bad.

They just are.

I sit here today, wishing I was healed and integrated in a part of my life where I have felt so much turmoil and destruction.

But perhaps I’ve made the mistake of labeling what healed means.

I am not healed. I just am, and grow brighter. These things are all apart of me, and I accept them for what they are. I accept my energy form for how it shows up, and get to create my life experience with these parts moving around in me.

That’s spiritual power. That’s divine integrity.

To those who have only taught me about love and happiness, my broken heart doesn’t believe you. My grief and emotion brings me to the most deep, spiritual, and connected parts of experience.

The Pisces fish - a lover of the dark and the light.

And I don’t expect others to understand that completely, because they have their own energy they’re moving through and with.

I just am what I am.