To the girl I loved before
If I could, I would jump in a time machine and go back. I’d tell you that things were so intense between us because you were the one who woke me up to the true nature of my soul. That I was about to embark on a 3-year long journey of soul-discovery all because I encountered your sparkly blue ocean eyes.
But the cycle is finally closed now, the energetic boundaries in place, no more reflections, no more energy to process. You have taught me more about me than anyone ever has. And in all those moments, I told you that I knew exactly what was happening, trying to heal and mend it all for the both of us who were desperately trying to heal, but I actually had no clue. I’d never met anyone like you before. No one had ever activated my light body so much, and after you did and I realized what was actually going on, I learned each soul lesson one by one as if they were all a breeze. I was able to process the energy quickly because of what I’d learned. It was only because I knew you.
It was you who made me realize that this life is a process of integration. That the pieces of everyone are inside of me, too. I realized I loved you so much because you had a piece I wasn’t using, and once I started using it, I grew once more, and saw life through your eyes— through a completely new perspective. This is the unique experience and wonder of soul-work. Of energy body balancing. I loved myself even more after that, integrating a new piece of myself… it was so enlightening.
I didn’t understand you or how you operated before, so I didn’t have the words to communicate around it back then. I wish I would have known, but I didn’t. I can’t go back and change that Bri, and I know you care so much about commitment and stability that it wouldn’t matter if I did anyway.
And here I am assuming I know what’s been happening in your energy again without any communication from you. Assuming I know what you care about. It’s something I’m sorry for. It comforts me. It is how I fill the silence. I write on the wall you built with a piece of chalk, venture back every now and then to erase the words from before and write some more things you’ll never read. How long will I do that I wonder?
It’s silly to think about how I didn’t even know you for that long, I just felt really close to you for some reason. I know it’s our karma. There is nothing that makes me sadder. Perhaps we’ll carry it through lifetimes. To different planets. Through time and space. Out of most of the things you expressed to me, that is one thing you’re right about. You’ve brought me so much pain and sadness. But there is also no one who has brought me the most laughter, inspiration, and joy I’ve ever experienced in such a short amount of time.
You did that. If you read this, I stand by that I love you, so very deeply. To be honest, I probably always will. You are the soul contract who taught me what love is.
But no, I don’t wish to talk to you ever again.
I’ll come back and write on the tall wall you’ve built every now and then, because I refuse to forget you exist and what you’ve taught me. I carry you in my heart.
Call me a delusional Pisces if you want, I don’t care. I am healed. I have integrated so much. I’m proud of myself. I love me for the soul you and many others have awakened me to. You’re missing out.
See you on the other side someday.
