are you safe?
I’m tired of people asking that as if everybody has realistic understandings of what puts each one of us in danger. It never has a simple answer. For anyone.
Things escalate too quickly. One day, you’re fine, and you’re sipping tea on your couch with a sleeping dog on your lap, and the next, you might accidentally show up to an event with your rapist’s best friend who ends up telling him about what you’re doing so he can then stalk and threaten your life.
One minute, I could be reading a book quietly in my bed, and the next, I could have a complete mental suicidal breakdown about my life from all of the trauma I’ve endured.
Your idea of safety is completely different than someone else’s idea or even patterns of safety. Don’t look at the rich woman from Park City who has the millionaire dream life and think that she’s safe from all the money she has, as if the ring camera on the outside of her mansion is protecting her. Her husband might be beating her. Don’t look at the happy-go-lucky musician guy that everybody likes at the bar because he’s so charming and assume he’s gonna be okay later. Maybe even go so far as to assume that the girlfriend laughing next to him will have a gun pressed to her head by him during an argument later that night.
It’s not realistic. These stupid, illusionary lives that you dream up of people in your heads, or seemingly watch on social media.
Because this morning, someone might have gotten groceries, and then died in a car accident at 6pm.
On Monday, some college-age girl might get an A on a test she’s been studying for, and then get raped walking home.
And this is just what I’m trying to say! Is that the perceived safety doesn’t outweigh the scary. Someone assuring you that they are having the time of their life doesn’t mean that in the next 5 minutes, their life couldn’t be in danger.
I know a woman who has been in danger for 15 years, and all I can do for her is continue to tell her to open up about her military husband who’s been assaulting her physically and emotionally. She’ll look you straight in the face and tell you that she’s safe after explaining all the scary stories, stating she will go to the shelter eventually, when she’s ready.
Stop trying to act like you know what safety is, or that you even know what to look for. It’s subjective to every single person and how they live their life. And in this world, every moment is unpredictable to a degree.
You need to be able to read people, and listen to people, and understand their lives when you ask them if they’re safe.
The person who’s witnessed drug deals and people getting shot next door is going to have a different answer to if they’re safe than the mormon mother who ‘only has $10,000 in the family bank account.’
One is going to tell you that they’re safe when they’re probably not. Do you know which one? One is going to tell you that they’re not safe and get caught offguard because they don’t understand where the real danger to them is lurking. Do you know which one?
I don’t say any of this to scare people. But yeah, the world is scary, and unsafe. There’s a lot of injustice and discrimination. There’s a lot of rape, and abuse, and domestic violence. There are a lot of accidents, and mishaps, and miscommunications.
I just don’t want us to act like we’re in control of all of it, and that we know all about it. But I also don’t want us to act like we can’t do anything about it.
I want us to be in tune with one another. I want us to be connected. I want us to use our intuition when inquiring about these things.
I want us to care, you know? About each other. As a community.
I’m no hero. I can barely keep myself safe, let alone anyone else. But I notice. I watch. I listen. I learn. And just have a heart that’s really worried about people.
I’m worried about everyone. I’m probably worried about you, and how you’re doing, you just probably can’t see it on my face.
And I just really hope that you're safe, in this moment, or the next,
or today, or tomorrow.
And if I can help you, please let me know.
