I’ll just do it myself

Triggered and very ridiculously in my shadow, but I think that’s just what you do to me.

My frustration doesn’t need words. I am back here again, because this is the place I always end up. Sitting alone with my arms folded across my chest, telling myself I don’t need anyone, I’ll just do it myself.

Connection sounded really cool, being intimate sounded really nice, but I don’t need it, actually. It has only brought me pain and suffering. So I’ll let it go. I don’t need to be close to anyone. Anyone at all.

I’ll just go play with myself. I’ll just go be with myself. I’ll place a hand on my chest and be present with my own heart. I’m always there for me!

And anyone who tries to talk really deeply with me and get in here again, I’ll laugh and tell them, “oh dear, I’m so sorry. I don’t do that anymore.”

And they’ll furrow their eyebrows and say, “I’m sorry, what do you mean?”

And I’ll say, “The whole ‘human connection’ thing, you know, where we talk in words and bodies? Not really into that. Love your energy though.”

And I’ll sashay away, and run through the trees, and jump in the rivers, and rap all the words to “Her” by Kota the Friend, and make myself an iced coffee, and lay under a willow and dream and talk to my spirit guide Daphne about how Earth makes absolutely no sense. How being free is the only thing that matters. And she will shake her head at me, a silly Pisces who hasn’t learned anything at all.

I’ll sit in the corner for years doing whatever I want to do and love everybody unconditionally and just allow them to be themselves and learn their lessons without any judgment at all.

And when I die, I’ll meet my life review, and they’ll say, “Bri, you did a lot of really amazing, cool things on Earth, but you actually went there to connect intimately with another human, that was your mission, so you failed.”

And I’ll flip over the council of light’s table, and scream “fuck this shit! earth is impossible!”

And they’ll say, “but Billie Elish’s granddaughter is getting married, and we were sorta thinking you might wanna?….”

And I’ll say, “No!!!!! I’m going back to the planet I came from!!!! Have fun with your stupid Earth project!!!!!”

And I’ll again sashay away. And surf the milky way, and go study a star somewhere in the middle of nowhere in a distant galaxy, morphing into different lights and colors without a body. Happily feeling and expressing it all. Forever. Until the end of time and eternity.

The End.