pisces purge
Somedays I feel like all I have done my entire life is cry. I don’t say that as a bad thing, I am obviously seen as the over-emotional sign after all. It is my MO to cry, to create, to romantically write all the ways my inward self reflects on the world.
If you see me as weak for the ways in which I purge emotion, then I feel sorry for you, because it has always been my way to liberation and peace. I do not cry so others will feel sorry for me and give me attention. I do not cry so somebody will come and give me advice. I don’t cry so you will feel terrible for being the person that somehow initiated my crying.
I cry because it feels good. I cry to learn more about myself. I cry to release the trauma from my body that I have been holding for too long. This is what it means to be highly sensitive. This is what it means to have three planets in Pisces.
It makes me think of a little one I used to work with at a preschool who would scream and scream and cry, not knowing how to regulate his emotions even the tiniest bit, and I was right there with him, knowing exactly how to handle him, even though all the other teachers said he was way too much. I taught him the words, “is not safe” so he didn’t have to figure out what all those crazy emotions were and could communicate at least that much to me. Sat and rubbed his back and told him he could feel all of his feelings and mumble any words he wanted until his huge smile spread back across his face and he skipped off to play.
I have not found many in my life who have allowed me to do this in my most vulnerable and authentic states, and this week, after intense trauma was triggered in my body due to the oncoming Pisces full moon and I felt out of control, much like that sweet little boy, a woman I know did the same thing for me in a way, with her understanding words and compassionate nature, and it got me thinking about healing.
It is not linear, and you also don’t have to do it alone. You don’t have to make up a story about it, and you don’t have to insist that your pain is ruining someone else. You holding it in your body is what is ruining your relationships with someone else, most likely.
Because I always imagine what it would be like, if everyone just took a second to rub everyone’s backs, and let them cry out all of the emotion, no matter how stupid or sensitive the material may be. If we just looked at emotion like it was another way of being, and not intense, and ruining, and awful, and painful. To let the grief just exist, without a big show or explanation on what it all means.
And it is the Pisces full moon, and I have been purging, and crying, and I am completely happy with it, so I can make room for the new.
For other people in my life who allow the emotions to flow freely, and simply, too.
