connecting threads

Lately, I’ve been walking out to my car every day to find a spider web coming out of my driver’s side mirror.

This sweet spider has traveled with me since I left Iowa to go back towards Utah, or at least, that’s when I first remember it being there. It has been reminding me that every day is a new day, and that I can always create something entirely new. Solely because, every day, I jump in my car, and destroy it’s web as I drive to new places…(it’s not intentional, I swear.)

Today was actually the first time I’ve left my body in months. My bodily home has not felt the way it did today in a very long time since I have been nurturing and taking such good care of myself, but I am currently filing through a lot of traumatic memories all at once, so I give myself space to not be perfect today.

It is not easy for sensitive people like me to relive traumatic memories in the body, because I feel that simultaneously, this is when trapped spirits on the other side have their chance to slip into and affect my energy field because of my vibration. And if you don’t know what that means, it’s simply that I believe we all operate and vibrate at a certain frequency pertaining to our light bodies and how we manage our emotions, and so when human things happen, and your energy/emotional body changes suddenly and is resonating at the same frequency as, let’s say, a dead guy trapped on the other side who is really, really scared, he sees and attaches to your energy body because you both feel the same. This is sort of the way I’ve come to understand it and can best describe it, but I also understand that it may be clearer to those who have different abilities than mine. I invite them to share what they think with me. I am always open to hearing others’ experiences of energy realms.

You can see it all as a scary thing, but I’ve actually become quite used to it and don’t really mind the dead. Most of the time, I find, they are misunderstood, confused, and just want to find their way home…much like all of us.

This happened to me today, and I instantly dropped to the ground and convulsed. But, in a matter of seconds, I did the energy work I knew how to do to release all of it from my energy field, and I was back to normal, walking to the kitchen to make myself some grounding food.

While this episode was scary to emerge from out of the blue after about a year of not having one, these are instances where I am shown how far I’ve really come. There used to be days where I’d be convulsing on the ground for hours, and not know how to stop it. Now look at me, I’m a wizard!

This is why I believe so much in the work that I do, and why I continue doing it.

Much like the physical episode, I was also faced with emotional demons today that I was having trouble with. I had put myself in a box, telling myself that I couldn’t just change the decision I had made to send someone I’m collaborating with a serious email where I was not clear and in a triggered emotional space.

I decided to change my reality, and explained the nature of the situation over text to the woman I’m working with, who hadn’t read the email yet. She called me and we worked it out over the phone, and it was a beautiful, connecting conversation on trust and setting healthy boundaries.

I am grateful to her for trusting me and for helping me build this kind of trust in communication with others where we can talk through hard things, even if we have to take a few minutes to breathe or cry over the phone before we do so.

I feel that this is what it means to grow. I feel that this is what Virgo season is all about.

I feel that the spider who spins its web differently every single day on my driver’s side mirror works and longs to build a strong web that does not get destroyed every time the car is in motion.

I work and long to do the same.