i believe in love

I didn’t, for many years. I looked around at people claiming to have it and I scoffed at them, in my logical brain, thinking that if they were actually in love, they would treat each other better.

But you know, sometimes love doesn’t look like that. Love can look like a lot of things. Sometimes it masks itself as fear. That is what we’ve been dealing with here.

When it first happened, all of the fear hit my belly, and I was sick for days. At that point, I wanted us to not be anything, because I knew it was bad for both of us.

But as time passes, and the birds sing on the telephone wire, and my thoughts wander over and over again to you, wondering what I may have done wrong in this situation because I don’t have your side of the story, just like I never had his, the fear has dissipated, little by little, because of the mirror.

I had to reflect on it for a little bit, because my big feelings were in the way. But now it seems crystal clear. Fear has ruined this connection between you and I. Fear of never getting over you. Fear of being in love with you forever. Fear of rejection and abandonment. Fear of continuing to ruin this connection. Fear of you thinking this connection is impossible to salvage.

But on a sunny Arizona day, looking at myself in the mirror, seeing all of my imperfections for what they are, even through the eyes of you, I am accepted and I am whole.

For what could I even do if the person I have loved the deepest in this lifetime rejects me forever, just as others have done? But that isn’t the mirror. The mirror is everything. It’s the fear. It’s the sickness. It’s the miscommunication. It’s not wanting to disappoint the other person, but doing it anyway. It’s the cold detachment to protect the heart. It’s the talent. It’s the beauty. It’s the love. I love the mirror. I love you, and I love me. And I’m not scared anymore.

I’m not scared of rejection or abandonment anymore. What a beautiful sentiment. Is this the great realization of what our soul contract has been? When you entered my life from day 1, I knew I would be learning something very important from you. And I have been thrashing around inside this body trying to find the right answer, but it isn’t anywhere to be found.

Because it is a sunny Arizona day, and you are in my third eye, and I am looking at your face in the mirror, and there are no more bad feelings about what we’ve been or what we could be. There is just you, a soul that I love and accept, and me, a soul I love and accept, and it is as simple as that.

I believe in love, because I believe in you. We are all love. Just, when it comes to you, those love feelings were amplified because the lessons were screaming at me through your bright blue ocean eyes, and beautiful voice, and I’m glad they were lessons I finally learned.

I just hope communication is not lost forever.

If so, I respect you and your boundaries. And I will move along to other parts of this life experience, never forgetting the important lessons you’ve taught me.